Becoming a mother is life changing. I am fortunate enough that my mother was a role model for me so I had an inkling of what to do and advice as to what to do. 😉 In being a coach I have met a lot of women whose lives BECOME being a mom and who can use some healing for themselves. Women are so powerful yet we sometimes do not give ourselves the credit we so deserve. I would like to give thanks to my mother, tell you some of the joys of being a mother, show gratitude for Mother’s Day and also give mothers a few tips to keep happy WHILE doing all the “jobs” a mom does.
Geri, Geraldine, JJ, Mom, Mima — my mom is known by many names and all of them make me smile. My mother had me when she was 18 and unbelievably she and my dad were able to raise me with love and knowing I could do anything. She and my dad were always my biggest supporters whether it be guitar, dance, acting or any other hobby I picked up. My most vivid memories of my mother are ones of her saying “How Great”, “You Can DO it”, “I am SO Proud of You” or of her laughing or smiling. Even in divorce my parents were the perfect example by staying friends and not saying unkind words about the other. We still spend some occasions together with my step parents too and everyone gets along well.
When I left for college my mother and my step father got involved in the foster care system. My mom is gifted with taking care of children and it is her passion. She has all the traits I try to exude; kindness, patience (one I’m STILL working on), love, empathy, humor and genuineness. When I had my first child; my son Alex, it was obvious her passion for children was still strong and she was always ready to lend me support. She is still one of my children’s closest friends and it is beautiful to watch them together. Mima will help with homework, encourage and give hugs, makes them CRACK up, talk and do projects and offers them her never ending love and FOOD… oh yeah and she does spoil them a bit with “stuff”! (a grandmother’s right I am told) 😉
My mother has been one of my closest friends through my whole life (despite those hormonal teenage years) ;-). She has showed me by example how to love, nurture, forgive, empathize and be kind. From her I gained my love of writing poetry, my love of dancing, my love of having many friends in my life, my ability to cook REALLY GOOD Italian food and my voice (yep we sound EXACTLY the same which benefited her in high school when my friends would call) :-). Without her support, encouragement and never ending generosity I do not even care to imagine where I would be today. She is my hero, my confidante, one of my biggest supporters and boy do I, my family and ALL my friends love her. Whenever I get in touch with a friend — even if it has been 10 years or more their first question is “How is your mom?” 🙂 Thank you mom, mima for all you do for us. Words cannot describe our gratitude, appreciation and love for you.
Being a Mom
I am so proud of my children. Do I get frustrated with them sometimes? Yes, I am human and children are young humans learning life lessons and questioning and challenging just about everything along the way. Every day I work on becoming more patient and I make sure to have conscious time with them. I learn from them about life and about myself. Children do not come with an instruction manual — in fact I am hugely surprised how they send new mom’s home with nothing other than a quick diaper changing lesson. It is a learn-as-you-go experience and BOY are there important lessons to be learned!
My children bring me laughter, show me different perspectives, give me lots of love and hugs, inspire my own creativity, challenge me ;-), awaken me if I get off track , (oh yeah teach a young child positive thinking and the law of attraction and they will repeat it back to you if you slip backwards ;-)), inspire me to be all I can be and evoke love from the deepest parts of my soul. I am so very grateful for my two beautiful, smart, funny, sweet children Alex and Christina. Following is Christina’s talent show performance (she was 5) telling jokes and included is a picture of Alex receiving an award at school for being helpful. I am so very blessed to be their mother and I am grateful for every day I get to give them hugs and tell them I love them.
Yeah, I AM BLESSED. AND it doesn’t end with just my kids and my mom. My husband Ray shows me how happy he is I am the mother of his children every Mother’s Day (and sometimes other times too) 😉 Last year he wrote me a poem with a family picture and framed it – one of my favorite gifts to date. This year I am going out with girlfriends on Friday night to hear Shaman Lench Archuleta speak and for dinner. Saturday I get to meet up with some of my girlfriends (including one of my oldest and best friends who I don’t get to see often) and shop — money given to me by Ray to “buy make up and perfume” — things I have not splurged on for myself in I don’t even KNOW how long! Sunday I get to be with my mom, my kids and some good friends in our pool with Ray grilling and making sure all the moms have a perfect day. Yeah, I AM blessed and I have been tingling with gratitude and love for the last week! 🙂
I am also very grateful for my mother-in-law. Ray’s mother, Maura was a wonderful, beautiful woman and I could not have asked for more in a mother-in-law. Always willing to give advice (if asked – and BOY did I feel like I asked a LOT!) but she was not meddling AT ALL. Always quick with a story that would not only answer your question but make you laugh as well. She is missed dearly and I am so very grateful that my children got to meet her and know her love. She is in our thoughts and prayers frequently and my love and gratitude for her is everlasting. Maura raised not only her son, Ray but three daughters who are each genuine, intelligent, beautiful, funny and I am so blessed to call them sisters (forget the in-law part). They are all women I would be honored to call friends even if I was not related to them.
7 Tips to Stay a Happy Mom
1) Remember who YOU are
Don’t lose touch with you, “insert name here”. You are much more than the role of mother — ask yourself the question “Who am I?” and do things that enable you to remember who you are. Honor your inner self. Take time to center, here are a few ideas how….
I have learned through the free guided meditation in the Silva Life System to get in a REALLY relaxed state in about a minute. Whether it be meditation or time for some deep breaths…. shut yourself in a room or take that extra 5 minutes in the morning or before bed and pay gratitude, ask yourself how you are feeling and examine that for a minute and if necessary think of action steps to move in the right direction, give yourself 1 compliment for the day on something you DID get done…. Us moms can have never ending to-do lists…. do not be afraid to…
2) Ask For Help
This was such a difficult one for me. Trade with other moms. Teach your children how to help around the house (you are doing them a favor too). If you are feeling overwhelmed, break big jobs into smaller tasks and figure out how you can get someone to lend a hand. There is a LOT to do that falls under the category of “mom duty’s” but that is mostly because WE have put it there. Asking for help is the only way to ensure help and whoever you ask — (if you ask out of love and not out a sense of desperation or frustration) will be happy to help you. For all that mom’s do you need energy and that is why I highly recommend…
It doesn’t matter if its walks with a friend or hardcore aerobics…. it is good for the mind and soul as well as our physical body. If you can get out of the house to do it – even better – you’ll get your sunshine and perhaps socializing time in as well. There are 10 minute exercise shows you can watch… just get your body pumping. Exercise gives you more energy as does…..
Get some. Being tired and moody serves no one. I remember being ill and going weeks without more than 2 hours of sleep nightly… now if I have a night with less than 6 hour sleep I feel it. You will get more done if you get sleep. THAT is when the body rejuvenates itself. You need the energy with children and to…
5) Be a conscious parent
My friend Kelly at She-Power had a recent article “21 Small but Powerful Ways to Build a Family ” that was brilliant about being a conscious parent. It is important to BE with your child not just be in the room while they watch TV. Interact, talk, ask questions, play games, get silly, dance around…. there are endless things to do with your children to enjoy them. Even if it is 1/2 hour you feel you “can spare” — your child will grow to be more self confident and will feel your love. Speaking of love….
6) Honor your Spouse/Significant Other
If you are still married or if you have a significant other– your relationship is the one your children see and mirror. The love you have for each other is the reason the family began in the first place (in most cases). It is easy to lose yourself in roles, in household duties and mis-communications. Instead of thinking about what you DON’T like about your spouse — think about the things you love about that person. The kinder you are to them the kinder you will receive it back. Go out for date-night to reconnect or have a date night in the living room talking (TV off) to reconnect. Treat them as you want to be treated. I often say we are a mirror reflecting how we want to be treated back at us as you can tell by our…
Make time for friends and look around at your friends. Do your friends have qualities that inspire you or are they zapping more of your valuable energy? Friendships of course will have times where you will support them, you might hold them as they cry and you are there for them because you care and love them. They should also offer value, inspiration, laughs, real conversations (NOT gossip) and admiration for the kind of person they are. Have friends over with kids your children’s ages so you can get some time to talk. Go out for girl’s night. Get out for a quick walk or exercise with a friend. If you “have no time” call a good friend on the phone. Contact with others is very important and it also is an affirmation of who you are. My friends reflect beauty from deep inside and that is something I strive for and honor in each and every one of them.
That’s a pretty good list to keep mom’s happy. There is ALSO gratitude, spirituality and many more that will make life just flow a whole lot easier. Learning about interests and working your mind is also important… you are NOT JUST a mom…. you are a woman, strong, powerful, loving, beautiful and YOU deserve to be happy. With the internet there are tons of mom groups and websites, tons of tools to learn new things and tons of ways to stay in touch with other moms. Don’t get out of touch. Remember who you are. Put yourself first and you AND everyone around you benefits. No one said to be a mom you have to be a martyr. There is a reason the flight attendants on a plane tell parents to please put your own oxygen mask on first (if needed). If you are calm and are taken care of you are much more apt to be able to take care of others.
I love and am so grateful for the moms in my life. I am honored and blessed to be a mother. I hope mothers take this day (and all days) to celebrate themselves and all they do and are. Thank you to all the mother’s out there who are doing their best every day to look after, love and protect their children. Happy Mother’s Day!