7 Evidence Based Steps to a Blissful Relationship

It is my pleasure to present a guest post by Mark Tyrell of “Uncommon Help“.  The health of the relationships in our life are very important for our health and wellness.  I agree whole-heartedly with Mark’s steps to maintaining a blissful relationship.  I also LOVE the fact that he backs up his post with research. Thank you Mark for this and to my readers, please make Mark feel welcome by leaving some comments and by adding other tips you use to maintain healthy relationships.

7 Evidence-Based Steps to a Blissful Relationship

Relationships are vital to health and happiness. In fact, a recent Brigham Young University study claims that having a loving, happy relationship and other successful friendships can actually make you healthier and so live longer. And research conducted at Cornell University found that couples in committed romantic relationships tend to be top of the happiness league (1).

But happy relationships don’t just happen. People who are “good at relationships” both do certain things and avoid certain others (2). So here from the world of psychological research are tried, tested, and (thankfully) commonsensical ways to improve any relationship.

1) Follow the 5:1 rule

According to research carried out by Dr John Gottman, for any relationship to remain happy and stable, it needs to follow the rule of five good interactions for every not-so-good one. “Good” could mean a great evening out together, a shared laugh, great sex, a nice chat, an affectionate hug – anything positive. None of us can avoid ever having a negative moment with a long-term partner, but if most of the time we make efforts to maintain the 5:1 rule, the relationship should thrive.

2) Be less critical

Contempt can take many forms: sarcasm, facial expressions of disgust (Dr Gottman found that married women who looked contemptuous when their husbands were talking were six times more likely to be divorced two years later), insults, cursing, and even public humiliation.

Gottman’s research at the “love lab” also found that if criticism was a regular feature of the interaction between partners, then this was a big sign that the relationship wouldn’t last (3). A criticism is defined as an attack on the person’s whole identity. So rather than “I’m angry you didn’t paint the fence as you said you would!” (a specific complaint), a criticism would be an attack on their whole identity: “You didn’t paint the fence! You are such a lazy *******!”

So complain when it’s justified, by all means; but criticize at your relationship’s peril. In fact, good relationships should strengthen the self-esteem of the partners in them. So…

3) Demonstrate your appreciation

Criticizing your partner is humiliating (for both of you), but saying nice things about them is a wonderful thing to do for the strength of the relationship.

People in successful relationships feel appreciated, loved, and respected. Remind your partner of their talents, strengths, and what you love and like about them. One of the first signs that a relationship is breaking down is when one or both partners start feeling that they are no longer appreciated. This is dangerous for any relationship.

4) Say sorry and mean it

Some people seem never to be able to apologize or admit they were wrong. Unfortunately for such people, research has found that these are the ones who are much less likely to ever get married or stay married than those who do learn to apologize once in a while. And the harder divorced and single people found it ever to apologize, the more likely they were to stay single. (4)

Passionate encounters and romantic soirees may bring people together, but respect and compromise will keep them together. And one of the best ways to show respect is to remember to say sorry sometimes.

5) Happily reminisce

One sign of a toxic relationship is when the couple constantly revisit all the bad stuff from the recent, middling, or even distant past. Dragging up everything that ever went wrong – every real or perceived transgression your partner ever made – is a sure and steady way to corrode your relationship, possibly beyond repair. But regularly reminiscing about past romantic times and alluding to them in conversation is a fantastic way of staying bonded.

And according to research, regularly laughing together may be even more powerful. Couples who laugh together and regularly reminisce about funny times tend to be much more satisfied with their relationships (5). Make a point of recalling wonderful times and reliving them with your partner – the funnier the better.

6) Follow Your Love Map

There was an old TV show called Mr. and Mrs. in which the winners of the show (and, as it turns out, the winners in love) were the couples who could ascertain the most about their partners’ likes, dislikes, and responses and reactions to all kinds of things. One partner would go into a soundproof booth whilst the other would be asked questions such as: “What is your partner’s favourite colour? Where in the whole world would they like to go? What would they most like to do on your dream date?” Research (6) has found that knowing the details of your partner’s inner and outer life (whilst allowing for some privacy) makes for a stronger bond and means no one is going to feel insignificant or neglected. So make the effort and let them know you know sometimes.

7) Take time to take time

Prioritize your relationship. Relationships don’t just take care of themselves once “in place”. Just as a garden or even a pet needs regular attention, so too is it important to take time specifically to tend and care for your relationship. I don’t mean to talk endlessly about your relationship, but to do things that naturally strengthen the bond as a by-product of that activity.

If you can afford it, go for regular romantic meals out or even picnics. Dress up for one another. Surprise your partner with tickets for something you know they love. Make time out just for you and your partner. This lets your partner feel they are important enough for you to make them a priority.

And finally, remind your partner often that you do love them. It can be too easy to assume that other people know we care about them and love them; but sometimes it just needs to be said.

Mark Tyrrell writes and records about relationships at his main website where there are over 25 relationship-related downloads. He also works as a hypnotherapist, trainer and blogger and in his spare time plays guitar.

  1. The research was led by Claire Kamp Dush, a postdoctoral fellow with the Evolving Family Theme Project.

  2. See John Gottman’s book, How Marriages Succeed or Fail.

  3. Ibid.

  4. A survey conducted in San Francisco discovered that those who stay happily married are twice as likely to be able and willing to apologize to their partners as divorced or single people are. The survey found happily married people are 25% more likely to apologize first, even if they only feel partially to blame.

  5. The study, conducted by Doris G. Bazzini of Appalachian State University and three of her former students, appears in the January 2007 issue of the journal Motivation and Emotion.

  6. According to research by Dr Gottman, who has studied couples for over two decades at his “love lab” in Seattle.

I REALLY enjoy this post and am so grateful to have it on my blog. Thank you Mark.  I wrote a post a few years back “How to Stay in Love and Help it Grow” and find that you offer a lot of the same advice and then SOME and back it up with research. :-) Being married for 13 years – I CAN attest to these all being valid and strong tips on maintaining a blissful relationship.  I find these especially useful this time of year when the stress of the upcoming holidays can sometimes cause extra tension around a household.  Please leave some comments and tell us how YOU maintain blissful relationships.

Happy 3rd Anniversary Heal Pain Naturally

So I don’t think forgetting your blog’s anniversary (August 1) is nearly the same as forgetting your wedding anniversary but I still felt badly about it! 😉 Is “forget” the correct word? I have been so caught up with life and living it this summer that it just did not fully make it to my consciousness – ok, so yeah I did forget! ;-). In reflecting on the last three years writing for this blog I realize how many ways writing has been healing on so any levels. I had just physically healed and written my ebook on how I did so when I began this blog.  But as we all know healing is about more than the physical.  Writing Heal Pain Naturally for the last three years has enabled me to heal in many different areas and I wanted to share with you those top ten ways. I also will include valuable resources in these ten ways that I am passionate about. I also want to thank you so much for your support, comments and friendships. All of which are so deeply appreciated.

1)  Writing about Topics I am Passionate For

I began Heal Pain Naturally after healing myself and honestly knew nothing else about healing other than there was so much more to learn.  I knew that if I could heal myself many others could as well. I was aware the mind offered unlimited possibilities and I wanted to learn all I could.  I wanted to share any information I gathered. I have always loved writing and to be writing about things I feel so deeply about is a HUGE gift to me. Writing can be healing in many ways and it always helps me to process the information.  I have written many times about issues I recently experienced and learned from. Sharing it with my readers takes it a step further in the healing process.  Thank you for listening. :-)

2) I am always Learning

It is my job to learn and BOY DO I LOVE LEARNING.  If I simply posted clips or articles previously published I feel I would not be doing as great a service as LEARNING myself about different topics under the healing category.  I research constantly, read, take courses and expand my knowledge.  I love bringing my readers the best of what I find helpful. I know we do not all resonate with the same messages told the same way.  It is my hope to provide a comprehensive place for people to find knowledge on many different categories under that “healing category”. Education in areas you are passionate about is part of the PAGING ME system I use to coach from.  Educating yourself in areas you are passionate about is healing to your soul and an affirmation you are paying attention to what moves you.

I gather cutting edge information on the science behind energy and information medicine as well as motivation, inspiration and tools for my readers to KNOW they can change and heal from the inside out. I provide my clients with resources such as “The Silva System” that has helped so many to not only heal physically but emotionally change their lives for good.  My favorite articles on this chronicle my friend Cath Larson’s experience.  The Silva System is just one of the many tools I have found to help me gain deeper meditations, get in touch with myself and heal different areas of my life.

I have also gathered many teachers by researching who continue to heal me on many levels; Bruce Lipton, Greg Braden, Carolyn Myss, Dr. Eric Pearl and so many others.  It was learning about just how many amazing teachers there ARE out there I came up with the idea for Heroes of Healing.  This project was so dear to my heart and included over 30 wonderful writers talking about over 50 teachers in their own lives who were “heroes of healing” to them. This project connected me to so many wonderful people in the blogging community. It is a resource I would love to keep adding to and anyone that would like to add someone not mentioned – please send me an email! :-)

3) In my research I found Soul ReAlignment (Akashic Record Reading and Clearing) and became a Soul ReAlignment Practitioner

Akemi Gaines of Real Life Spirituality was also trained by Andrea Hess in the Soul ReAlignment program to read and clear Akashic Records.  I had my reading done over 2 years ago by Akemi and that is what truly jump started my spiritual healing and development. The clearing itself removed tons of restrictions I was facing in my life and connected me deeply to my soul.  It was a week after the clearing that I found Reconnective Healing.

It was when I was researching for my three part series “Life After Death, Past Lives and Life Between Lives – and how all of this can Heal?” that I re-visited Andrea Hess’s course page for Soul ReAlignment.  Reconnective Healing had opened up some of my psychic abilities which was welcome but also brought MANY questions.  I was looking for a way to understand more. When I read Andrea’s course description for Soul ReAlignment I was not surprised to find it detailed what I had listed I wanted to learn.  I am trying to become used to these synchronistic events! 😉 Becoming a practitioner and doing Soul ReAlignment work has opened me up to witness healings on the soul level and beyond I would have never imagined possible.  It has empowered me as I feel a much deeper connection to my soul than I had ever experienced.  It is beautiful work and I am so grateful for Akemi’s reading and Andrea for coming up with such a brilliant healing modality. It works as all of my clients have witnessed and I witness each time I am delivering a reading and hear my client’s confirmations. Andrea Hess continues to be an amazing teacher and inspiration in my life. Thanks Andrea! :-)

4)  Finding Reconnective Healing and became a Practitioner

A week after my Soul ReAlignment I found “Reconnective Healing“.  I did not intend to ever be a healing practitioner. I was simply learning to educate myself and my readers.  From the minute I laid my hands on the book, “The Reconnection” I knew I was hooked and it would be a huge part of my life.  Reading the book caused me to feel energy as I never had before.  It also caused many electrical disturbances in my meditation room and opened me up to KNOW there was more than I was experiencing in this Third Dimension.  I had two reconnective healing sessions, received “The Reconnection” and went to NYC to become a licensed practitioner.  Another new beginning.

I wrote about my first and second experiences attending Reconnective Healing Level I/II and they were both life changing.  Stepping further into the work and taking Level III to be able to facilitate “The Reconnection” just took me further into that space of heart coherence and flow.  How has reconnective healing healed me?  It has made my energy MUCH steadier. I am not as easy to get riled up and when I do I KNOW it is short lived.  It has shown me there IS much more than we see with our programmed eyes and allowed me to SEE things I never knew were real.  It has gotten me much more in touch with my intuition which I use daily to guide me in my personal and business life.  It has connected me to people on deeper levels and my relationships flow better because of it.  It has allowed me to witness miracles utilizing distance healing across the world and right in front of me when I facilitate in person sessions.  I know there are MANY other ways Reconnective Healing has healed me and I am so grateful for Dr. Eric Pearl and his amazing team of teachers for spreading this important work.

5)  The Online Community

When I began writing and exploring other blogs of similar content I really did not know what to expect.  I quickly realized writing about similar topics with authors I shared passions with was a quick way to bond with people all over the world.  Commenting and emailing with other like minded people from all over the world was and continues to be a HUGE gift in my life.  I have many of my favorite writers below in my blogroll and there are many others than I have not even gotten to give credit to yet. My newest favorite is Simon Hay, a gifted healer and beautiful person. I highly recommend reading his work on his blog and also when he guest blogs on one of my favorite sites “Evolving Beings” run by the beautiful Evita.

I feel so connected to people I have been in contact with.  We talk about matters so close to my heart such as healing, personal development and spirituality. I feel I am always learning from them and value their input so much. When I get to meet some of the people I have been in contact with online in person it really is sheer joy.  This summer I had the pleasure of Lance from “Jungle of Life” visiting me with his family at my home. Lance has been a dear friend online and to be able to give him a hug, watch our children play together and talk to him and his lovely wife was truly beautiful.  This is a picture from his visit.

It is my hope to meet MANY of the people I have met online who have become good friends.  I know whenever we travel I will always have people I want to look up and connect with.  AND there are many I hope visit me — you know who you are!!! :-) This is healing in so many ways… it has me connecting with like minded people all over the world and it makes me feel like maybe the world isn’t so big after all.  We ARE all connected and that is beautiful and healing to FEEL.

6) Made Me Reach out in my Own Community

Connecting with people online who were passionate about these topics made me very curious about the spiritual/alternative healing people in my own community.  In May 2009 I made my first effort to step into this community by teaching a course at our local Spiritual Arts Fair. Since I have met friends I truly consider my “soul family”. We have monthly meetings and our group is called the Body Mind Spirit Collective.  Each month we get together and feature a modality and have a group meditation, then we network and socialize. There are usually upwards of 30 people at each meeting.  I have met such beautiful people and these friends are people I know I can count on for anything and love tremendously.  Their love and friendship has healed me in so many ways I can’t even begin to quantify it.  Being a part of such a loving community and having my children also witness it is priceless to me.  I don’t know if I ever would have reached out if I had not begun writing Heal Pain Naturally and gotten so immersed in learning about the mind/body connection. If you’re connected to me on Facebook you’ve seen lots of pictures of my crew. We have lots of fun and help each other consistently.  I feel very blessed to have such good friends so close to me. I feel honored to live in a community where so many people are trying to create a better world and serve the Universe and heal others. There was a recent article about research proving how important new friendships and socializing is for our health – I believe it and witness it daily.  My friends heal me – no doubt. You know who you are my beautiful soul family – THANK YOU!!!

It was through meeting Swamiji (Who I wrote about here) in my community that I learned I had to get back to my “joy” which had always been dance.  Becoming part of a belly dance troupe has brought me such joy and fulfillment. If I had not reached out and met him I might not be dancing.  Dance was something I was told to “discontinue” when I was ill and that it would “make me worse”.  To be dancing again on a regular basis brings me joy beyond all measure which heals me.  Meeting Swamiji was the reason I was able to reclaim that joy. Thank you Swamiji!  Another wonderful member of my community! Here is a clip of me dancing.. oh boy…gulp… I’m in the back in purple. You can visit the troupe’s you tube page to see more videos. :-)

7) Made Me Set and Reach Goals I NEVER Imagined Possible

When I began learning about healing and especially when I began learning about the SCIENCE behind Energy and Information medicine I got REAL excited.  A fire was lit in me and I KNEW I had to share this valuable info.  I have seen many people get addicted to pain pills and traditional medicine that is not serving them. I am not AGAINST traditional medicine but feel it is limited and is more about symptom control in long terms illnesses than true healing. I KNEW healing was occurring daily because I was witnessing it and I HAD to share it on as broad a scope as I could.  This knowledge motivated me to run a hosting of a screening of the movie “The Living Matrix” and gather a discussion panel for a Q&A panel afterward for 400 people in my community.  It has led me to communicate with people I never would have imagined talking with such as the AMAZING Cyndi Dale and Dr. Deepak Chopra. It has led to me hosting a Q&A with author James Twyman for 25 people from my home via Skype about his AMAZING book “The Barn Dance“. It has me constantly challenging myself and as my dear friend Suzie Cheel from Abundance Highway introduced me to – set some “Big Hairy Audacious Goals (BHAG).” Thank you Suzie for your inspiration. It is healing to complete tasks that seem HUGE in the beginning. It is healing to accomplish anything much less pull together something that takes planning and coordinating.  4 years ago I was told I would be in a wheelchair and on pain pills – this was a life I never imagined possible.  Writing for my blog made it so.

8.) Makes me constantly work on my own growth, personal development and consistently heal and evolve in my own life

Writing, researching and learning about how to be in your full power and live to your full potential would seem pretty pointless if I was NOT applying it to my own life.  I am consistently reassessing where I am and where I want to be. I am constantly challenging myself to be more. Through writing and learning from other bloggers and teachers I have gained many tools and gained much insight as to how to live my life to its fullest potential and in joy.  Please visit my blogroll for some inspirational people.  Visit Heroes of healing to find new teachers that resonate with you.  I am so very grateful for each and every person I have met on this amazing journey for it all brought me right where I am today.  I am feeling healed in so many areas of my life and so excited for every day.

9) Enabled me to Ask for Help

One of my posts the very first year was about how I had so much trouble asking for help.  Well, you cannot write a blog/website and not ask for help.  You cannot run big projects and not ask for help.  You cannot run groups and not ask for help.  It was all challenging for me but because of the kindness and authenticity shown to me by fellow bloggers, people in my community and family I am so MUCH better at this. It is healing to ask for help and this is an issue that comes up a LOT when I am coaching.

We all like to feel we can “do things ourselves”.  But let me ask you this – doesn’t it feel SOOO GOOD when you help someone else?  If we don’t ask the people around us for help we are denying them that good feeling.  It doesn’t do anyone any good to struggle or to feel “they are doing it all”.  It is humbling to ask for help and admit you need it but BOY IS IT GOOD TO RECEIVE. I have asked for help from many bloggers – “please read my post and pass it on if you like it…” and they have answered with abundance.  I have asked people in my community for help with projects and they have always over delivered what I imagined. I asked my friends for help when my husband had to work away from home for a month and was shown love and help beyond measure. It is healing to receive and to learn how to do so and ask for help when you need it.

10)  Gratitude

Writing Heal Pain Naturally for three years has enabled me to live in gratitude and count my blessings all the time.  Gratitude for my health and my ability to write and live pain free.  Gratitude for my evolution.  Gratitude for the people who I have met along the way. Gratitude for the emails I get thanking me and telling me I have helped.  Gratitude for the above 9 ways writing has helped me to grow and live in love. Gratitude is another part of my Paging Me System and I feel is the most powerful tool of all for healing.  When you FEEL gratitude from the inside – your heart you can feel a shift in your soul and the world around you.  You KNOW that all is ok and that you have many treasures even if life “seems hard sometimes”.  I want to thank all the people in my life that enable me to continue writing and learning; my family – husband, Ray and my wonderful children, my parents and step-parents, my friends online, my friends all over the world, my friends here in my community, my teachers, my extended family, my readers and clients.  I feel such deep love and gratitude in my life – deeper than I ever have before and I know it is because every single one of you helped me to be where I am in this moment.  Thank you.

I would love to say thank you to everyone who has read, emailed, commented and visited my blog; Heal Pain Naturally over the last 3 years.  I have met so many wonderful people worldwide that have become true friends and have offered such inspiration, support and love.  I have not been writing this summer due to my kids being home from school and me concentrating on them, other projects and things locally.  As you can see writing has helped my life evolve in many ways and I am eternally grateful for this opportunity.  I will be returning full force come September and have lots of exciting news and resources to share. Thanks again for the last three years! Much Love! 

Rising Star – A Guest Post of a Healing Modality Brought to you By Sarah Root

As my regular readers know the key belief behind this blog is that everyone is capable of healing. Finding messages, modalities and teachers that resonate deeply can create that spark that empowers you. As such, it is my pleasure to bring you information on many modalities and teachers so that this blog is a resource of information on healing. I love hearing about new healing modalities and there are so many now that are so powerful. As you know from my last post, “What Do You Believe?” and “My Review of The Living Matrix Movie” Information and Energy medicine IS VERY real, scientifically backed and IS the new science of healing. When I ran into a friend I used to take yoga dance with; Sarah Root (at the Spiritual Arts Fair where we were both running workshops) we were very excited to share the healing modalities that were now very important in our lives. Sarah introduced me to Rising Star which she was teaching a workshop on and is a licensed practitioner in. It is my great pleasure to bring you a guest post from Sarah Root talking about this exciting modality.


Rising Star: Awakening Your Highest Energy and Wisdom

Are you feeling all the changes in the world these days? Would you like to keep pace with the energetic shifts on the planet? Are you ready to move beyond old, subtle, persistent thought patterns, relationship snags and attitudes toward life that keep you from your fullest light and potential?

As a long-time Reiki Master, I recently began exploring Rising Star Energy and it has changed my life. Rising Star is an energy healing system that is very, very powerful and comes directly from the Masters. It is said to be the purest love and light that this planet has ever experienced. Rising Star has been reintroduced to humanity at this time of planetary shifts and spiritual change, for the express purpose of lifting our consciousness, clearing our hearts and accelerating our spiritual development.

Rising Star energy is profound. A session is very simple – the Masters pour healing light into your chakras and it goes to work over the next 21 days to clear and refine your energy. The effects are deep clearing, often followed by profound insights, healings, shifts and awakenings. If you receive three Rising Star sessions in a row, the third session resolves all issues that have been worked on prior, so that they never return. I’ve literally watched old patterns depart and a lighter, truer self emerge in just a few weeks. As well, remote sessions are fully as powerful as in-person sessions.

Rising Star is tremendously effective for the spiritual development of body, mind and soul. It stills the mind and calls upon the Fire of Truth to help clear and release that which is blocking the attainment of our full potential. It positively enhances our lives and helps us move forward in new ways.

How does Rising Star work? It restructures our energy circuits to hold a higher frequency of energy. It raises the vibration of our aura, clearing and releasing energy and unresolved issues on all levels. It also activates our DNA more with each session. Rising Star transforms hurts, pains, and negative energy into love, so that they no longer control our lives. Rising Star activates our divine self: peaceful, giving, loving, connected and healed. Staying attuned at this level allows us to hold a maximum amount of Love and Light in daily life.

Because it invites deep healing and expansion of our consciousness to the next level, Rising Star is an ascension tool. It is said to be the next step in the spiritual evolution and healing of humans. I have literally felt Rising Star raise my vibration so that I feel lighter and clearer, and I respond to life differently….much differently. Many old issues, that I thought would never leave, seem to be disappearing as the Rising Star works through each of my chakras. What a relief! I have heard others say that they discovered their true work, or experienced what have been called “miraculous healings”, or transformed a relationship through the Rising Star energy.


To receive some of the love and light of Rising Star energy,

learn to use this Prema Agni symbol

at http://www.sq-wellness.com/premaagni.php

More About Rising Star…

Rising Star originated in the Temple of Truth in Egypt. It is a pure undiluted lineage, passed down directly from the Masters and channeled by master healer and spiritual teacher Derek O’Neill of Dublin, Ireland in 2004. Rising Star energy connects with all lineages because it comes directly from Source through all the Masters. It is a living healing system that naturally encompasses all healing systems. Rising Star is thus a pool of energy that we can all tap into.

A Rising Star session takes about 45 minutes and typically is very relaxing. During a treatment, higher light energies (which could be called angels, Ascended Masters or Christ) are brought through the practitioner, activating each chakra. The Rising Star energy is programmed to move through each chakra three times, over three weeks. The Masters recommend receiving three sessions in a row, at least 21 days apart. The energy can thus work on the same issues at deeper and deeper levels.

Benefits of Rising Star…

Simple yet pure and powerful, Rising Star has enormous significance for the planet, with the potential to bring about unity and profound planetary shifts. The benefits of Rising Star will impact all areas of your life. The energy assists you in healing on all levels and co-creating a more loving reality for you and those around you. Some of the effects of Rising Star have included:

– Remove misqualified energies from the 7 chakras and 7 energy systems

– Allow your being to clear and heal on all levels

– Activates as many strands of DNA as one is ready for

– Gain access to your 5th dimensional Light Body

– Connect with your higher consciousness

– Helps to create unity consciousness

– Open your 4th eye – the Master’s Eye

– Rejuvenate all your cells within one week

– Ascension on all levels – physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, soul

Rising Star helps us become the stars we are meant to become on this planet. You can awaken to the highest energy and wisdom encoded within you!

For more information on Rising Star sessions and workshops, or to find a practitioner, please visit the SQ Wellness website at www.sq-wellness.com.


I would love to thank Sarah for her post and for giving this new information to my readers. Please leave her comments and make her feel welcome. Thank you. :-)